心不老的湯米

好久沒有在這裡寫東西了...

從6月到現在...生活中有一些改變...

包括從財務轉到了行銷...

以後會恢復跟以前一樣的定期post心情寫照...

也為自己留下個記錄...

謝謝大家...^^

下了幾天的雨之後，天空中的白雲終於沒有擠在一起，騰出了一點空間讓溫暖的陽光和乾爽的地面再次有機會敘敘舊。坐在星巴克裡看著電腦螢幕的我，仍舊對於已經開始二週的漫長暑假感到不習慣，總覺得生活中好像少了那麼一些調味料，但卻說不上需要鹹一點還是要辣一點，還是其實味道已經剛好，只是有點麻痺的嘴巴已經分辨不出來了。

看著窗外，陽光似乎又比剛剛更強了一點，彷彿對於見到好久沒碰面的大地表現出雀躍的表情。對於這種無聲卻強烈的情感表現，我忍不住得笑了，不是因為我聽到了雀躍陽光的笑聲，而是我感受到了它們之間的那種幸福的交集，是那麼的溫暖而豐富。就像是將一顆石頭丟進池塘，漣漪一波一波的打進我心裡，深刻而不劇烈，但卻悄悄的佔領了我的心，這種被幸福充滿的感覺，讓我不自覺的笑了，也不自覺的將這一波波的漣漪收進心裡，不再讓它們溜走。

保存幸福比創造幸福來得困難的多.....但沒有持續的創造幸福，它們的保存期限是很短的...唯有每一天每一分每一秒持續不斷的讓幸福湧進...才有辦法趕上它消失的速度。但如果有人問我創造幸福累嗎? 我會毫不猶豫的說不，因為”累”的人創造不出幸福，只有幸福的人創造的出一樣的幸福。就像陽光一般，它不會覺得每一分每一秒都要持續送出溫暖而累，而且也只有溫暖的陽光有能力給予溫暖，當然.....接收溫暖的大地也從不嫌溫暖太多.....因為溫暖就跟幸福一樣...需要持續不斷的創造...才能讓大地一直保持暖和...

我臉上的笑容依舊存在，溫暖的陽光也是保持著笑臉，我低頭想著.....

希望我心裡那幸福的漣漪也會跟它一樣.....

天空還是一樣的藍

與一個多月前似乎沒有什麼不同

陽光依舊明亮的照著大地

強度也彷彿沒有增強多少

窗外的原本光禿禿的樹

倒是在這一個月中茂盛的長出了綠葉

而之前感覺冷冰冰的建築物

也因為暖和的空氣而溫和了起來

最重要的是.....

一樣獨立坐在圖書館裡的我

再也不覺得孤單

再也不嘗到寂寞

當然.....也再也沒有悲傷與難過...

一樣的場景

不一樣的心情

除了在深刻的內心中感謝永恆的主之外...

那為我帶來幸福與溫暖的

已經佔據了我整個心房

讓寒冬與冷鋒再也吹不進來

天空是如此的藍

陽光是如此的耀眼

風是如此的柔和

空氣是如此的新鮮

光禿禿的樹依然直挺挺的站立著

枯黃了的小草們也仍舊彼此依偎著

空蕩蕩的校園還是依稀傳來學生的笑聲

冷冰冰的建築物還是佇立在原來的地方

而我…..

孤單的一個人坐在電腦前面

忙碌的腦袋一直不停著快轉著過去一個月的場景

總是處於緊張的內心也還是一樣揪住無法放鬆

每一句話

每一個表情

每一個笑容

每一個眼神

還有每一個秒針與分針劃過的時間

都還是那麼深刻

像是用一把刀在心底的最深處刺上的

那隱隱約約的痛

都不斷的在提醒著我我還活著

那隱隱約約的痛

也不停的往更深的地方探索

那隱隱約約的痛

也從未停止嘗試變成喜悅或幸福

但是…..它現在還是一個隱隱約約的痛…

期待盼望著蛻變那一天的來臨

我隱隱約約的這麼想像著...

一早起來...無意識的走到窗邊...輕輕的將百夜窗拉開...一道刺眼的陽光就這樣毫無預警的照了進來...不但把整個陰暗的房間亮了起來...也把我還沒有完全睜開的眼睛給叫醒了...彷彿在告訴我一個新的一天就這麼開始了...無論我準備好了沒有...也不管我是否還停留在昨晚的那些話語當中...時間還是依照它自己的步調...一分一秒...從來不多也不少地...緩慢的往前邁進...想到這裡...就突然的趕緊去梳洗準備出門...深怕自己會被時間給遠遠的抛在後面...怎麼也追不上似的...也許因為如此...我的生活節奏開始加速...看了一下錶...15分鐘搞定準備工作...鑰匙一拿...就這樣沒有目的的出門去...

在走向車子的一小小段路中...一句話射進我腦海裡...我要去哪裡?...學校? Webb Center? 圖書館? 還是先不管怎樣開了車再說? 我沒有答案...心裡一鎮寂靜...啪!啪!啪!...突然一隻小松鼠從我身邊跑了過去...它不急不徐的用它一貫的步調往前跑...感覺它很清楚要去哪裡...那裡有什麼東西在等著它...是食物? 朋友? 還是另外一隻跟它心靈相通的另一半? 我也許永遠不會知道...我唯一知道的是...我有一種羨慕它的心情...

看著天空...今天的天好藍...雖然風比較大了一些...但是和煦的陽光還是不會因為風而擾亂了它暖和大地的想法...在把鑰匙插進車門上鑰匙孔之前...想著昨晚接受到的諄諄教誨...再想著勇往直前的小松鼠...以及不被風所影響的陽光...在它們面前我是如此的微小與無知...就這樣...我低著頭笑了...就在這幾秒間的剎那間...我好像懂了...我好像知道那隻也許是上帝刻意安排的松鼠...也好像了解神讓陽光如此發亮的目的...想到這裡...我的笑容又更開懷了...車門已經打開了...我發動了引擎...毫不猶豫的踩了油門...我的笑容依然繼續掛在臉上...也許是因為...我知道我要去哪裡了吧...

深深的吸了一口氣…抬頭仰望著飄著幾片白雲的天空…陽光彷彿好久好久沒有露出臉來…今天特別的灼熱和刺眼…就這樣呆了幾秒鐘…感覺脖子上一陣僵硬…才慢慢的把已經呈現仰角的頭顱給放了下來…眼前已經看不見過去幾個星期常出現的白煙…即使很用力且刻意的吐個大氣…也還是不見白煙的蹤影…哈…天氣真的開始暖了嗎? 但為什麼我感覺不到呢? 我的心是否也應該要開始暖了呢? 還是它仍然想著要在寒冷中再多待一會兒？

一個跟平常沒有什麼不一樣的星期一…星巴克前依然排著跟我一樣渴望著讓一杯熱咖啡打開新的一天的人們…但是對我來說…這個平凡到不行的星期一卻那麼的不同…雖然只過了一個星期…我好像已經過了一個月…一季…甚至一年的感覺…好久好久了…想到這裡…突然發現地上一張星巴克的餐巾紙在飄ㄚ飄的…彷彿在用它所熟悉的舞蹈來鼓勵我…跟我說…像它一樣被人用了就丟的餐巾紙也是可以快樂的飄著…在那當下…好像整個空中都是它的…“What can I get for you?”…”Sir???”…此時我才恍過神來…匆匆忙忙的把咖啡給點了…

拿著咖啡…無意識的走到Webb Center外面的木頭椅子上…酌了一口還是很燙的white chocolate mocha…大叫一聲”Hot!”…斜眼發現經過的路人學生連正眼都沒瞧我一下…是我叫的不夠大聲? 還是我只是過份的要求別人的注意…但其實我卻沒有發現我充其量也是這平凡星期一裡面的一個平凡元素? 不會有人注意到這星期一有多麼的不同…也不會有人在乎這對我的不同…其實我們每一個人都是那麼的微小…

終於把咖啡喝完了…還是一拐一拐的走回Webb Center…都怪自己昨天逞強的把繃帶拿掉…今天好像又更痛了一點…出門時還是乖乖的把繃帶給纏了回去…走進Webb Center…第一眼就看到那張星巴克的餐巾紙已經停止飄揚…靜靜的躺在人來人往的地上…也許它累了吧? 看著想它一心想鼓舞的我…而我還是一樣呆滯的看著它…它也許累了…不想理我了吧? 我走了過去…把它從地上撿了起來…塞進外套的口袋裡…滿心希望它可以就此帶著我跟它一起…跳舞…飄揚…

The Chinese New Year will be coming in one day. Even though there will not be a huge celebration going on here in Norfolk, I can still smell the new-year air. Looking back at what has happened in my life for the past year, I still can’t believe I have gone this far and literally live and study again in the US.

For most of time, I have been wondering what or who leads me here and gives me this precious opportunity not only for a new career change but also for meeting a new right person. But now I know it’s the Lord. God has his plan on me and has been leading me since the time I even didn’t believe in Him. Thinking about this, I am so amazed that His work actually works for me.

Now I am sitting in Webb Center again like I did for most of Fridays before. It is not snowing today and the sky is so clear even though there are still clouds and winds. “Everything seems so peaceful to me” I said in my mind. In the past few weeks, challenges kept coming to attack me both in my personal life and at school. I was not afraid and didn’t feel overwhelmed either. It is because God has written something in my deep heart, “happily chasing happiness”.

He is so right. He leads me to find my happiness and now it’s my time to follow His words. No matter how hard the challenges will be and whether I will get hurt or not, I will keep chasing my happiness HAPPILY. Life is short. Having happiness to chase is already a precious gift. Thanks God. I really appreciate that from the deepest of my heart. Happy New Year to everyone reading this article…God Bless Y’all…

"One week has passed and there are 13 more weeks to go." was said by one of my classmates last week. Time comes and goes very fast. Sometimes it doesn't leave any mark when you just realize it has been gone. This makes why time is so precious.

From a book called "The Purpose Driven Life" I have been reading lately, it says that people can make more money if they work harder. However, people can NOT make more time even though they try even harder than ever. It is just not gonna happen. We always have 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 52 weeks a year. Some people can make it look like 100 weeks while some can let them feel it is like only 20 weeks. It all depends on how you use it and what you use it for.

Given this kind of thoughts, when going back to look at what my classmate said, I suddenly get so much emotional and so many feelings come to my mind. How come I just let one week slide away without doing anything significant? What kind of change I am going to take to make the remaining 13 weeks even more valuable? I don't know yet, but I really need to figure it out sooner because the number is going to reduce to 12 very quickly while I am still thinking what to do.

It's time to stop here. It's time to do other things. It's time to realize what time means to me. It's also time to make myself a timed person who values time...

Few days ago, a small plane landed in Norfolk International Airport. I was one of about 70 people sitting in that plane. Yes, I am back to the US, to the city of Norfolk, and to the campus of ODU. While going out of the airport, I asked myself that "am I ready for what will happen next?". Well, I didn't know at that point. Just remained silent and had no answer for my own question.

Now, I am sitting in a very familiar place, Webb Center, and reading one of required articles for next week. Am I able to answer that question which I couldn't respond few days ago? Well, yes, I can give myself an answer. It's "OBVIOUSLY NOT". Haha...the funniest thing here is that I already had this answer in mind few days ago, but I was just too weak to confront myself.

However, the truth is I am back here. Everything is back on track except for my mind. I feel my mind is still having its winter break that is expected to last forever......

OK...I am already saying something I can't understand now...anyway...Tommy is back and he will be ready any time soon...hopefully...^^

After a terrible storm striking this area for few days, it is finally sunny today. I went to church this morning and felt so powerless and hopeless. There are almost 4 weeks remaining until this semester ends. Two big exams and two huge papers are waiting for me to deal with them. Last week, I was experiencing a sudden emotional down to the hell and didn’t know the reason. It seems like this depressed feeling continues to affecting me and shows no sign to go away. Even though I prayed, shouted, cried, or simply slept, the more I did the more depressed I feel. Therefore, I changed my mind about not going back this winter and booked the air ticket back to Taiwan on 12/17.

It has been a while since I wrote something here last time. During these weeks, I had no motivation to write something, had no motivation to study, had no motivation to hang out with people, had no motivation to read, and even had no motivation to just walk out of my apartment. Sitting in a coffee shop, although the textbook has been opened for literally 2 hours, the page still remains at number 359, meaning I have not studied a single word and just sit here to do nothing.

I feel bad for myself, feel bad for my heart, feel bad for my soul, and feel bad for my entire body. God! I can’t believe I am here to study for the Ph.D. degree, which requires so much passion to complete it and even keep moving on afterward. But I even don’t have “passion” in my own dictionary. I feel like, look like and sound like an idiot, right?

I don’t know what I can expect from going back to Taiwan for 3 weeks, except for having good foods and good sleeps. Will those be enough for me to be recharged and ready for next semester? If it is, that might be a day dream, a really funny one.

Hey, I guess I have complained enough. Nobody will really care what I say here so I won’t waste any more time now. I’ll just stop here and see if I can encounter page 360 in next two hours. Anyway…God bless y’all.