Last week was an unusual week not because of any difference in school work, but because of some surprising feelings. As a 33-year-old man, I am not really sure what I was doing and what I wanted. Even though I did know, was that not realistic and did I act like a stupid old guy? I wish someone could tell me the answers.
I was almost sick to death yesterday and literally realized how lonely I had been. Therefore, I was wondering if loneliness had made my feelings and it was not real and true. I kept thinking and thinking with my fevered head. Of course…the answer is always there. I just wanted to make up any excuses for my feelings to not do it. It was so tough.
I get a little bit better today.
Dress up and walk out of my apartment. I see the sun is still so shiny and the sky is so clear and blue. The world hasn’t changed much in these two days and I have not either, except for the running nose and sore throat. I don’t know what I am going to do with that feeling. I have prayed for a couple of times and I guess the Lord wants me to figure it out by my own. Yes, He is right. I have to figure it out by my own. No one can help me.
I am studying at Webb Center now and watching those trees through windows. These equations and graphs in my Microeconomics book seem meaningless to me at this second and neither do these words I’ve just typed here. I am here just because I don’t want to be at home anymore, just because I need a noisy place to have company, and maybe just because this is where I can clear my mind and keep moving on.
What happened?
Many things happened. Or…maybe nothing really happened.
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